When André finally turned to
go home again, it was close on midnight. Coming in sight of the
cottage, he was surprised to see that, contrary to his mother's
rigid rules of economy, there was still a light in the parlour.
He pushed open the door and peeped in. Mother was sitting sewing
by the light of a tallow candle. She looked up as he came in and
gave him a welcoming smile. He thought she looked quite old, and
her eyes were circled with red, as if she had been crying. But
he pretended not to notice. Still, it was funny, her burning a
candle so late at night when candles were so dear. And why did
she look so tired and so old?
He asked no questions, however. Somehow he didn't feel as if he
could say anything just then. He knew that presently his mother
would come into his room to hear him say his prayers, to tuck
him up in the old wool shawl and give him a last good-night kiss.
Of late he had refused to say his prayers. Le bon Dieu,
he thought, only bothered Himself about rich and powerful people
- nobles, bishops, and such like - s what was the good of murmuring
prayers that were never listened to and asking for things that
were never granted? When Mother said her prayers as usual beside
his bed in spite of his obstinacy, he turned his head sullenly
away. He had even caught himself wishing that she would leave
him alone, once he was in bed: alone, nursing his thoughts of
future retribution on all those whom he hated so.
Strange that he never had the desire to talk to his mother about
all that went on in his mind these days. Strange, seeing that
hitherto he had always blurted out everything that troubled him,
poured into her patient ear the full stories of his peccadillos,
his adventures, anything and everything that passed through his
mind. But now André had succeeded in persuading himself
that his mother would not understand his feelings. She was, he
thought, so patient and so devout that she would not sympathize
with a man - a man! - who had been so deeply injured as himself.
He felt that he had suddenly become a man - a man suffering an
infinite wrong; and that Mother was only a woman, weak under the
influence of priests and of their everlasting teachings of gentleness
and humility. Men couldn't be gentle these days. They had suffered
too long and too bitterly: crying wrongs, injustice that called
to heaven for vengeance - only that heaven wouldn't hear. Well,
if le bon Dieu wouldn't help the poor and the downtrodden
to defend themselves against injustice, then they would fight
on their own without help from anywhere.
Monseigneur and his sycophants! And those women with their perfumes
and their silk dresses and their lorgnettes and their high-pitched
voices! André hoped to God that he would live long enough
to see them all eat the bread of humiliation as he himself had
been forced to do.
At this point in his meditations Mother did come in. André
did not hear her at first, for she had taken off her sabots and
was in her stockinged feet. It was only when she stood close beside
his bed that he turned his head and saw her.
Of course, he felt sorry for her. Women were women, and therefore
weaker vessels, unable to take in the vast thoughts and projects
of men. But they were dear gentle creatures whose ministrations
were essential to the well-being of the stronger, more intellectual
sex. Therefore André felt very kindly disposed towards
his mother just now: he would not have admitted for the world,
even to himself, that at sight of her dear old face, with its
furrowed cheeks and eyes to often stern, and yet always full of
love, a great yearning seized him to bury his head in her ample
bosom, to forget his manhood and be a child again. However, all
he said for the moment was: "Not yet in bed, Mother? Isn't
it very late?"
To which she replied cheerily, "It is, my cabbage, and fully
time you were asleep."
She then knelt down beside his bed. André ought then to
have jumped out of bed and knelt beside her to say his prayers.
This had always been the rule every since he was old enough to
babble his "Gentle Jesus, meek and mild..." and clasp
his baby hands; even when he began to feel himself a man, he had
readily complied with the rule. But for days now, when Mother
knelt beside his bed and murmured, "Our Father which art
in Heaven," he had turned his head stubbornly away, nor had
he looked at her till she had finished her prayers. To-night,
however, though he still felt wrathful and was too big a man to
get out of bed, he kept his head turned towards her so that he
could see her face. There was such a bright moon outside that
he could see her quite plainly: her found flat face, her thin
hair already streaked with gray, parted in the middle and fastened
in a small tight bun on the top of her head. Her eyes were closed
while she prayed with hands tightly clasped, her lips murmuring
softly, "Forgive us our trespasses"; then all at once
she raised her voice and said quite loudly, "As we forgive
them that trespass against us."
"I won't! I won't!' André broke in involuntarily.
"I'll never forgive them, never!"
But Marianne did not seem to hear. She finished her prayers and
then remained for a time on her knees, gazing on the beautiful
young face that meant all the world to her. Almost distorted now
with wrath and obstinacy, it was none the less beautiful; with
those large dark eyes that seemed forever to be inquiring, to
be groping after something unattainable. Marianne's large, capable
hand wandered lovingly over the hot, moist forehead and brushed
back the unruly curls which fell, rebellious, over the brow. Without
another word she pressed a kiss on the eyes, closed as she thought
in sleep, and on the mouth through which the young passionate
breath came in slow, measured cadence. Then she tiptoed out of
the room.
André was not asleep. He had felt the kiss and tasted the
salt moisture of his mother's tears on his lips. For a long, long
while he remained lying on his back, with widely dilated eyes
staring into the darkness above him. Through the chinks in the
ill-fitting door he could perceive the feeble light of the tallow
candle which still burned in the adjoining room. He heard the
old church clock strike one, then the half hour then two. The
moon had gone, the tiny room wherein stood the boy's small plank
bed was in complete darkness, save for that dim streak of light
underneath the door.
As noiselessly as he could André rose and tiptoed across
the room. For a few seconds he listened, his ear glued to the
keyhole, but all that he could hear was an occasional sigh, and
once a sound like a broken sob. The door hung loosely on its hinges,
he pulled it open. His mother was still sitting sewing by the
feeble candlelight. André, leaning against the door jamb,
stood mutely watching her.
She seemed very busy and never looked up once in his direction.
She had a pair of breeches in her hands, had evidently been at
work on them. Now she fastened off the cotton, broke it off, put
down her needle. André watched her. She did look old, and
there was a tear which had settled on the tip of her nose. She
wiped it off with her apron and then held the breeches up with
both hands to see if more darning was needed. Satisfied that they
were quite in order, she laid them down on the table, smoothed
them out with both hands, then folded them carefully and put them
to one side.
André thoughts: "Those are my breeches. She has tired
herself out mending them." And the words which M. le Curé
had spoken earlier in the day came hammering into his brain: "Remember,
my child, that your future does not belong entirely to yourself.
Your sainted mother works her fingers to the bone that you should
be clothed and fed."
That was true, for there she was, working for into the night,
mending his breeches, while he...
"Mother!" he said abruptly. "Do you wish me to
go up to the château and see those people?"
She didn't give a start; obviously she knew that he was there.
She was standing now with one hand resting on the table and peering
over into the darkness to try and see him with her blinking, tired
eyes.
"André! Why aren't you in bed?" she asked. "Go
back at once."
"Mother!" he insisted.
"Yes, André?"
"Do you wish me to go to the château and see those
people?"
"It might lead to something good for your future, my child.
M. le Curé said that Monseigneur was kindly disposed."
"I have no decent clothes in which to go," the boy muttered,
his sullen mood not yet quite gone.
"There are your new stockings which I have quite finished,"
Marianne rejoined quietly, "and I have done mending your
best breeches. You can wear you father's Sunday coat and his buckled
shoes - fortunately he was a small man, and you are hear as tall
already."
"Mother!" André exclaimed.
"Yes, André?"
"You have been working your fingers to the bone so that I
should be clothed. M. le Curé said so."
"No, my child," Marianna said, smiling through an involuntary
little sigh, "not to the bone."
"And did you sit up to-night because you - you-"
"I knew that you would want your best breeches - soon."
"You knew I would change my mind and go to the château
?"
"Yes, André, I knew."
"How could you know, Mother?"
"I suppose your guardian angel must have told me. He knew."
"Mother!"
This time the cry came straight from the boy's heart. With one
bound he was beside his mother and with his arms was encircling
her knees. His tousled head was buried in her voluminous skirt.
She fell back into her chair and drew the hot, aching young head
against her breast. There, resting against that warm, downy pillow,
all pretence at manhood was swamped in the grief of a child. André
burst into a flood of tears, the first that had welled out of
the bitterness of his heart since that awful day of disgrace.
Marianne, with her kind fat arms wrapped round her most precious
treasure, thanked God for those tears.
The tallow candle flickered and died out. The room was in darkness,
only a pale light, the first precursor of dawn, came shyly peeping
presently through the small uncurtained window. The distant church
clock struck four. It was more than an hour since Marianne had
moved. The child had cried himself to sleep, squatting on the
floor, with his head on her lap, her hand resting on his curls.
From time to time a sob shook the young frame; then even the sobs
were stilled, and Marianne, stiff with sitting motionless, would
not move for fear of waking him.
